I'm Depressed

Do you that feeling when you feel like you're useless and that whatever you do to become better is pointless?  Like you lose all your self confidence.  And how there are so many people better than you?  Well I'm feeling that right now and its because of seeing Ymara ans Sophie Martinez' photos.  I feel so ugly.  You know, being pretty has a big effect on my self confidence.  And to think I hate vain people when in truth I am one.  This sucks.

Group Studies

Hey, another thing about me is that I'm an honor student.  Yeah I like kinda excel in Math and Science.  So my math teacher set up a peer tutorial in preparation for the final exam in math tomorrow and since I like excel in math I was chosen as one of the tutors.  I did this before already.  Last quarter I had 5 students but then I was the only tutor.  Now I was with 2 others so things didn't go the way I wanted it to go.  Also the number of tutees increased.  From 5 to 11.  Yeah so things kinda got out of hand.  Me and my co-tutors weren't able to control them.  Some were talking others were not paying attention(even if this was voluntary so you would expect that they would want to learn) while others were shouting at us that they're were not learning anything.  So I was like really worried that they might not learn anything and that I wasn't helpful and that they'll fail the exam and it'll all be my fault.  Even worse my co-tutor was like "I'm the only one teaching" but I was also teaching!!! I was individually helping the others who were so demanding that they want to go ahead and move to a more complicated topic while my co-tutors and other tutees were still in the previous topic.  You know that made me really pissed off.  Another thing was that she kept saying that over and over again and that the other tutees were also saying that and blaming me!!! WTF you guys are the ones so demanding.  Yeah but I didn't say that all I said was "sorry" you the whole time I wished I could have just crouched at the floor.  That bring back a funny memory cause when they were still in chaos the tutees were like "grabe ang gulo niyo naman mag-turo.  Dapat si Abi(thats me) nalang  Nasaan ba siya?" yeah and at that moment I was like crouching and when I heard my name I like stood up and they were like "whoah!!!! saan ka nang galing?" "Its magic" "Grabe Nagteleport si Abi" and we were all laughing and then Justine(my best friend) told me that my face was going red. Yeah so as you can see they wanted me to teach but when I tried to teach my co-tutor was like taking control over everything.  Even after I already said the answer she would just rephrase it.  That really pissed me off you know? I mean like I was also making an effort and then she would just get mad at me.  I was even learning the lessons I didn't have to learn just so that I can teach it to them and then she would say that I'm not helping!!!!!! WTF.  

Gahhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah so when everything was in total chaos one of the tutees stood up and took control and then he started making jokes while teaching.  It was nice.  I'm glad that that he did that and amazed at how he was able to make them listen.  Sadly the comments of the other tutees pissed me off.  They were like "The tutors aren't teaching anymore :))" and I was like (in my head) "WTF we were you guys just wouldn't listen!!!!!!!!!!!".

So now I therefore conclude that they cannot concentrate on studying for more than 2 hours and that they don't study seriously.  Well some of them since at the beginning while we were still in chaos I saw that other were pissed that I tutorial was so chaotic and they wished that the playful ones would just leave so they can study.  They didn't really say anything I just noticed in their face that they looked pissed.  Also whenever you would ask them they would only reply in short quick responses.  Yeah so its kinda good to know that there was actually some people who wanted study and not chat with their friends.

So that was how the tutorial went.  I think the tutorial last quarter was also like this although the problem there was not the number of tutees but the limited time so we like didn't discuss everything and we weren't able to go into specifics.

But you know? I like the idea of peer tutorial.  The only problem is that in your circle of friends there will always be the playful lazy one who you're all trying to help but wouldn't pay attention to your advice or lessons.  That would be Michael Chua :))

Next school year I want to do  peer tutorial again.  I'll do better next time!!!

Naruto OST

Hey you know? Naruto has a pretty nice OST I mean like some of them I would like to play in the flute like Sakura's Theme and Morning.  They're pretty calm so its kinda relaxing to play them.

Vanity

Well as you know I am vain and so I like kinda shaved my legs.  Well leg since my older sister told me to only try it at that one.  Yeah so well . . . I'm kinda disappointed since all the hair didn't fall out and there was only some bald spots . . . was I born ugly???  Yeah so anyways  . . . I was like my mom would make stop using it and I'll have to live with my hairy legs but then my sister old me that I should concentrate on the hairy parts and continue using.  That really brought my hopes up.  I love my older sister.  She's so supportive :D

Shiori Shiomiya and me

Have you watched the anime "The World God Only Knows"? well just so you know my favorite character is Shioro Shiomiya!!!

(here's some pictures of her)

(the first two are from the anime and the last is a fanart I think . . .) 

I guess its because I can kinda relate with to her.  Its not like I have problems talking or anything its just that I to don't like talking so much but I have a lot of things to say.  I'm not sure if I talk to myself but I think I do.  I guess my previous journals and this blog is kinda proof of it.  The main reason is because the things I think about are stupid.  Anyways even in online chats I don't like talking cause you usually have to keep the conversation going and stuff . . . (>_<) and also in talking to real persons.  I don't mind being alone so much.  Ilike it quiet but then people would go like "loner" or "you look so emo" and all I can say in reply is "really? . . . I'm not though" then just smile.  I hate that.  That's why I'm kinda forced into talking with people.  You know I hate confrontations.  Especially with intimidating people or people who like expect you to be funny or spontaneous.  If I could  at those moments I would like curl myself at the ground but I can't so instead when I reach like an intimidating question I would like close my eyes really tight and I think my face goes red.  I do tat when I'm embarrassed and people would just let it pass and call me cute . . . (>_<)

Another thing we have in common is that I also like to read books but unlike her I don't remember them so well.  I've got a bad memory.  I like reading romance novels or short stories or manga.  Whenever I'm reading them I would always imagine that the person in love would be me.  So am I slutty if I imagine myself in my real life being fawned over by a lot of guys . . . its kinda ironic you know how in the previous paragraph I said that talking to people scare me and now I want to have a special someone but that can't be achieved right without me talking to that person.

You know I read once that the trick into falling inlove is not to expect anything.  I guess I'm not going to fall in love anytime son since I lie expect the guy to smart and take robotics as a course(like Michael from pirncess diaries) and the loves anime and manga, cosplays, plays piano and other instruments, joins chambers, takes taekwondo lessons, good at computers, programmer, loves making movies, draws anime, can read my mind, know when I'm about to cry, head over heels in love with me.  So you see I still have alot of expectations . . . sigh how am I going to fall in love now???

You know like Shiori I'm also scared of alot of things so I hope that my one and only can also give me courage.

What happened to Japan . . .

Wow . . . that is like so sad . . . Japan is really in a tight spot right now.  Earlier this day I received a text message from my bandmaster that a nuclear power plant just exploded.  This got me and my friends and family really worried since the radiation my get to us by wind or it might like rain acid.  But just now I read Yahoo's article on Japan and the effects of the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear power plant explosion and I felt kinda selfish since those people lost so much.  The article mainly focused on the tsunami and how there was like over 2000 people dead, over 1000 missing and 1000 are like survivors I think.  Anyways here's the article I read:

Tide of 1,000 bodies overwhelms quake-hit Japan

 
TAKAJO, Japan – A tide of bodies washed up along Japan's coastline, crematoriums were overwhelmed and rescue workers ran out of body bags as the nation faced the grim reality of a mounting humanitarian, economic and nuclear crisis Monday after a calamitous tsunami.

Millions of people were facing a fourth night without water, food or heating in near-freezing temperatures in the northeast devastated by an earthquake and the wave it spawned. Meanwhile, a third reactor at a nuclear power plant lost its cooling capacity and the fuel rods at another were at least briefly fully exposed, raising fears of a meltdown. The stock market plunged over the likelihood of huge losses by Japanese industries including big names such as Toyota and Honda.

A Japanese police official said 1,000 washed up bodies were found scattered Monday across the coastline of Miyagi prefecture. The official declined to be named, citing department policy.

The discovery raised the official death toll to about 2,800, but the Miyagi police chief has said that more than 10,000 people are estimated to have died in his province alone, which has a population of 2.3 million.

In one town in a neighboring prefecture, the crematorium was unable to handle the crush of bodies being brought in for funerals.

"We have already begun cremations, but we can only handle 18 bodies a day. We are overwhelmed and are asking other cites to help us deal with bodies. We only have one crematorium in town," Katsuhiko Abe, an official in Soma, told The Associated Press.

In Japan, most people opt to cremate their dead, a process that, like burial, requires permission first from local authorities. But the government took the rare step Monday of waiving that requirement to speed up funerals, said Health Ministry official Yukio Okuda.

"The current situation is so extraordinary, and it is very likely that crematoriums are running beyond capacity," said Okuda. "This is an emergency measure. We want to help quake-hit people as much as we can."

Friday's double tragedy has caused unimaginable deprivation for people of this industrialized country — Asia's richest — which hasn't seen such hardship since World War II. In many areas there is no running water, no power and four- to five-hour waits for gasoline. People are suppressing hunger with instant noodles or rice balls while dealing with the loss of loved ones and homes.

"People are surviving on little food and water. Things are simply not coming," said Hajime Sato, a government official in Iwate prefecture, one of the three hardest hit.

He said authorities were receiving just 10 percent of the food and other supplies they need. Body bags and coffins were running so short that the government may turn to foreign funeral homes for help, he said.

"We have requested funeral homes across the nation to send us many body bags and coffins. But we simply don't have enough," he told the AP. "We just did not expect such a thing to happen. It's just overwhelming."

The pulverized coast has been hit by hundreds of aftershocks since Friday, the latest one a 6.2 magnitude quake that was followed by a new tsunami scare Monday. As sirens wailed, soldiers abandoned their search operations and told residents of the devastated shoreline in Soma, the worst hit town in Fukushima prefecture, to run to higher ground.

They barked out orders: "Find high ground! Get out of here!" Several soldiers were seen leading an old woman up a muddy hillside. The warning turned out to be a false alarm.

Search parties arrived in Soma for the first time since Friday to dig out bodies. Ambulances stood by and body bags were laid out in an area cleared of debris, as firefighters used hand picks and chain saws to clear an indescribable jumble of broken timber, plastic sheets, roofs, sludge, twisted cars, tangled powerlines and household goods.

Helicopters buzzed overhead, surveying the destruction that spanned the horizon. Ships were flipped over near roads, a half-mile (a kilometer) inland. Officials said one-third of the city of 38,000 people was flooded and thousands were missing.

In addition to the more than 2,800 people who have been confirmed dead, more than 1,400 were missing. Another 1,900 were injured.

Japanese officials have refused to speculate on how high the death toll could rise, but experts who dealt with the 2004 Asian tsunami offered a dire outlook.

"It's a miracle really, if it turns out to be less than 10,000 (dead)," said Hery Harjono, a senior geologist with the Indonesian Science Institute, who was closely involved with the aftermath of the earlier disaster that killed 230,000 people — of which only 184,000 bodies were found.

He drew parallels between the two disasters — notably that many bodies in Japan may have been sucked out to sea or remain trapped beneath rubble as they did in Indonesia's hardest-hit Aceh province. But he also stressed that Japan's infrastructure, high-level of preparedness and city planning to keep houses away from the shore could mitigate their human losses.

The Japanese government has sent 100,000 troops to lead the aid effort. It has sent 120,000 blankets, 120,000 bottles of water and 29,000 gallons (110,000 liters) of gasoline plus food to the affected areas. However, electricity will take days to restore.

According to public broadcaster NHK, some 430,000 people are living in emergency shelters or with relatives. Another 24,000 people are stranded, it said.

One reason for the loss of power is the damage several nuclear reactors in the area. At one plant, Fukushima Dai-ichi, three reactors have lost the ability to cool down, the latest on Monday. Explosions have destroyed the containment buildings of the other two reactors. Fuel rods at the third were fully explosed, at least briefly, on Monday.

Operators were dumping sea water into all three reactors in a last-ditch attempt to cool their superheated containers that faced possible meltdown. If that happens, they could release radioactive material in the air.

But Japan's Chief Cabinet Secretary Yukio Edano said the inner containment vessel holding the nuclear fuel rods at the reactor that experienced an explosion Monday was intact, allaying some fears of the risk to the environment. The containment vessel of the first reactor is also safe, according to officials.

Still, people within a 12-mile (20-kilometer) radius were ordered to stay inside homes following the blast. AP journalists felt Monday's explosion 25 miles (40 kilometers) away.

Military personnel on helicopters returning to ships with the U.S. 7th Fleet registered low-level of radioactive contamination Monday, but were cleared after a scrub-down. As a precaution, the ship shifted to a different area off the coast.

More than 180,000 people have evacuated the area around the plants in recent days.

Also, Tokyo Electric Power held off on imposing rolling blackouts planned for Monday, but called for people to try to limit electricity use.

Edano said the utility was still prepared to go ahead with power rationing if necessary. The decision reflected an understanding of the profound inconveniences many would experience.

Many regional train lines were suspended or operating on a limited schedule to help reduce the power load.

Japan's central bank injected 15 trillion yen (US$184 billion) into money markets Monday to stem worries about the world's third-largest economy.

Stocks fell Monday on the first business day after the disasters. The benchmark Nikkei 225 stock average shed nearly 634 points, or 6.2 percent, to 9,620.49, extending losses from Friday. Escalating concerns over the fallout of the disaster triggered a plunge that hit all sectors. The broader Topix index lost 7.5 percent.

Japan's economy has been ailing for 20 years, barely managing to eke out weak growth between slowdowns. It is saddled by a massive public debt that, at 200 percent of gross domestic product, is the biggest among industrialized nations.

Preliminary estimates put repair costs from the earthquake and tsunami in the tens of billions of dollars — a huge blow for an already fragile economy that lost its place as the world's No. 2 to China last year.

This like makes you realize everything that you've had right?  So now I kinda . . . kinda appreciate it more now . . . actually I was really touched by this picture

I mean like she was still smiling.  She just really appreciates and loves her child.  That even if she has already lost everything she can still smile.  Isn't that just nice.  It makes me feel like I appreciate my family more and that its the most important thing there is.  No actually I think that the most important things is that someone still loves you or cares for you.  Right?  Cause if no one cared then thats kinda the same as being dead right (quote from Gaara of Naruto series).

Durarara!!!

Okay I still haven't finished the anime I able able to conclude that I love Orihara Izaya!!!!!! I love his attitude of playing god. kyaaaaaaaa >.< I love him so much but deep down inside I know that he will never love me.  I'm to plain and boring.  Nothing about me will excite him.  I hope my MPD will but I don't think it will leave that big of an impact since I'm shy. kyaaaaaaaa I love him so much!!!!!!!!!! I'll be smarter and then I'll strategize and then maybe someday I will feel that I have a chance. Orihara Izayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






I also like Masaomi Kida but somehow he appears gay to me . . . scratch that I like his energy.  He reminds me of Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club but I like Kaori more.  I like twins they seem interesting. :)




Orihara Izaya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa